i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
