i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
