Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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