I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
