I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
