areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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