just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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