oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
