Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
