Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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