Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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