How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
