I think I died a long time ago.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
