I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
