Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
