Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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