she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
