Sponge bath it is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
