I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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