O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
