For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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