What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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