My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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