i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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