She's JV to your varsity
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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