dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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