I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
