I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
