I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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