I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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