On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
