the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
