I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
