I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
