so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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