he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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