and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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