Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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