i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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