just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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