I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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