two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
