Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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