You can't motorboat a personality
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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