I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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