no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's like iHOP with fire
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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