YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
