I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit