Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...