I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings