what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
