I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.