I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.