somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
