We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
