I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
