Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
