Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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