Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
