Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize