I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
