I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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