There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
