i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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