can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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