i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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