Swine flu. Run for my life!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
