I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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