I need help removing her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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