I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize