Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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