my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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