isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
