Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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