I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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