i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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